The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
