It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
