GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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