I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
