if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
