apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
