Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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