Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
