We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
