How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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