So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
