Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
