U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
