at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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