im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
