I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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