I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
