I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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