She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
