you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
