I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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