the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
