I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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