i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
