My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
