if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
