She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
