That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
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I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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