I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
