i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
