i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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