I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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