Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
