Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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