Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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