Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
