omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
