...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Two words: nipple clamps
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