i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
