I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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