Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think your dad took our porno
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
