oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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