You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
