you would pick up someone in the library
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
