OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
