Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
