Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
