i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
