I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
did you just send me my own nude
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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