My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
