1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
