they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
