Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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