I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
