Moan for me like Helen Keller
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
