Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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