Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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