you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My balls are so social today.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
