So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
