I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
did you just send me my own nude
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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