I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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