No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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