first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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