i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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