we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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