I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
