Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
