you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
