I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
