i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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