i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
